Bipolar

I'm having bipolar. Nothing is going to change the diagnosis or fact that I'm now suffering from a psychiatric illness which I lost control of my own emotions. 1% of general population are bipolar and I'm one of the highly selected 1%. How lucky I'm.

Everything seemed so clear that why was I behaving like a mad man when involving in any relationship. Because, simply because, I'm a mad man. The madness is in my gene, in my brain, lies within the imbalance of neurotransmitters. I lost the one I love simply because the neurotransmitters are screwing with me. How pathetic I'm. It is so clear that a bipolar person is not suitable to involve in any relationship with anyone. Things will go hay wire once I'm lossing control on my emotions ... my ability to control my own emotion is so fragile and uncontrolable.

Maybe one day, I'll realise the fact that people and things around me are not gone, but they just never exist. That is the time when my illness has progress to schizophrenia. I start hearing voices, talking to myself, becoming paranoid of people might talking about me. I will find myself confined in a place which I'm convinced that it is a military facility but in fact, it is an asylum. I'm mixing with mad people everyday, confusing with reality and hallucination. I'll die by killing myself, probably because I'm convinced by voices I hear.

I'm now nobody but a mad man.