I want to believe that my life is meant for something, something big, something great...something that can have profound change to this world. Thus, I'm always dreaming, because dreaming is the only way where you'll almost believe that your belief can become truth. But, after dreaming, welcome back to the realistic world where thing always goes the opposite way of your belief. Life is sucks!
Since my secondary school life, I've started to begins my dreaming journey. I dreamed of being a detective...or the opposite side, I want to become a criminal mastermind. Sounds weird, right? Because, I believe that crime is an art. Both detective and criminals practice and refine thier art in crime. It's the art of crime I was aspirating, not the role. So, I was so abssessed about criminology ar that time. My mentors are Japanese detective manga and, of course, Sherlock Holmes. In a way, I feel that the story of Sherlock Holmes is complete only because of the existance of his nemesis, Prof. Mourrie (I forget the actual spelling), who ruled the crime world of 18th century London. In a word, I believe that you either change the world by creating justice via vigillance, or you create anarchy by choas.
But, one day, I woke up and realize that I'll be neither great detective nor criminal mastermind... stop and stare...I'm among animals in this medical school of UKM.
How did I end up here? Long story... and heartbreaking. Everything happens for reasons. I keep on telling myself...keep holding on. Because, in reality, I'm just a medical student. My books are all medical books, and detctive stories are all dusted in store room. I'm going to walk around with sthetoscope, not a gun... dreams really make reality even sucks more.
It's always been competition in medical school. People trying to beat each other in PBL, assessments, and examinations... There's no place for weak ones here. It's a lion fight.
Am I a lion? Sometimes, I ask myself. I hate competition, and yet, I'm born to be a competitive person. Involving in a fight for honor and rankings is never what I want, and it is, and it'll always be where I'm going to be. There's no difference in this medical school and war in lion fight. YOU CAN'T TRUST PEOPLE. Trusting people are like suicide, especially friends -- they are enemies / competitors who masked under friendship, approach you, and stab you at your back. So, NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER TRUST PEOPLE. Trust no one.
I'm not the best, at least currently, I tell myself. I'm a detective/criminal who fall from his dream, and end up in this ugly lion fight. I faced a twist in my life, because fate and destiny are screwing with me. They are fucking screwing with me by trying to make me a victim among the animals in medical school...I'M NOT GOING TO BE ONE! And now, I realize that, I need to screw them back. I'm not lambs for those lions, and neither I'm going to turn myself into one fucking lion. I'm going to be a MAN.
I shall remind myself that I'll keep on being a man, and I'm not going to be any animal, and of course, not the fucking lion. Lions may be fooled that men are like lambs, and I'm going to make them realize that they are men can kill lions. I might be the only human being among those lions, but loneliness and depression will make me stronger, I believe. This time, I belive in reality, not dream.
31st Jul 2008 05:48
Lost and found my direction again in this morning when I woke up in purposelessness. Life sucks, but I'll be stronger!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
I hate drugs!
I hate drugs! Why can't those drugs just have some pretty names, instead of propanolol, atenolol, hydrochlorothiazides bla bla blah.... Pharmacology are apparently abusing the chemistry where they call a substance which already have a readily undertandable chemical names into some bullshit noun...and the pharmaceutial company did more abuse by patenting thier names... generic names, street names bla bla blah...
Really headache!
Plus, you always can guess how pharmaco lectures are going to be carried out. Usually start with normal pathway, then classification, proceed to each class; next, pharmacokinetics, pharmacodynamics, mechanism of action, clinical usage, adverse drug effects bla bla bla....boring! okay, it never stops here: they pharmacology books is going to make things more complicated by mentioning some rare or unsettled things about the drugs...because the pharmaceutial company keep on inventing new drugs and so on....
Nevertheless, we, as medical students still have to learn that...I wonder how docs know the dosage and indication of every drugs... long way to go...
29 Jul 2008 19:53
having angina pectoris trying to digest antianginal drugs...
Really headache!
Plus, you always can guess how pharmaco lectures are going to be carried out. Usually start with normal pathway, then classification, proceed to each class; next, pharmacokinetics, pharmacodynamics, mechanism of action, clinical usage, adverse drug effects bla bla bla....boring! okay, it never stops here: they pharmacology books is going to make things more complicated by mentioning some rare or unsettled things about the drugs...because the pharmaceutial company keep on inventing new drugs and so on....
Nevertheless, we, as medical students still have to learn that...I wonder how docs know the dosage and indication of every drugs... long way to go...
29 Jul 2008 19:53
having angina pectoris trying to digest antianginal drugs...
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Docs can't save lives
We are born to die. Simple, death exist because birth is there. Without birth, there’s no death.
My master once told me a story, which I can’t hardly recall because it has been years ago. But, I still remember the conclusion of the story: the greatest uncertainty of life is when we are going to die; while the greatest certainty in life is we are going to die for sure.
Contemplate that you are going to die, every day first thing in the morning. My master told me.
Nevertheless, I abandoned my contemplation since I been too busy to study till I realized I’ve been far away from what my master taught me in Buddhism.
Today, I told a friend in MSN: we, as doctors, are just treating “illness”, it’s never about saving “lives”. Men are born to be death, thus it’s contrast for men to be gifted the ability to fight against death totally. Saving lives is just bullshit, but noble way of saying to be a doctor.
The key element here is: doctors are just treating illnesses, we can’t save lives.
And, here, I’m going to use medical points of views to prove that people are born to be death. We, as doctors in the future, are going to only treat illnesses, but death is certain.
To begin, let us contemplate of some genetic diseases. It’s too obvious that patients who are born with those genetic defects are going to die for sure. No matter whether it’s a single DNA substituition, or chromosomal aneuploidy, those patients are going to be killed by the genetic lesions they are born with. They carry the gene since they very fisrt sign of existance, the zygot, which is only a single cell formed by fusion of sperm and ovum. In another word, the patients are fated to die since the very first cell, how about when they are born with multiple cells with similar genetic composition? They are going to die for sure.
Genetic diseases still not enough to prove my point? Probably you may say that not everyone born with von-Hippel Lindau (VHL) or Fanconni’s anemia. Well, let me give you cancer.
Through years, it is becoming clearer and clearer that the pathogenesis of cancer basically involve mutation of two groups of gene: poto-onco genes and tumor suppression genes. The end point of the pathway is: neoplastic proliferation of cells which kill the patient.
Notice that? Proliferation.
Proliferation – mitotic replication of cells mostly – the very basic ability of human, which make us transform from a single cellular zygot to become a multicellular organism. In cancer, we are killed by the very basic ability that make us a human. Because the single cell of ourselves has the capability to do what-make-us-human, human die because of the cell, or to be more specific, the proliferation capability. Again, right here, we are born with the ability to proliferate, and we are killed by the ablity. Thus, it’s more than fair to put in a way that: we are born to die.
You might argue with me that not all oncogenic lesions that exist since birth, there are carcinogenic subctances that cause cancer. Well, you might be right, there are carcinogenic substances. But, the existance of carcinogenic substances doesn’t mean that out body should react with those things. However, instead, our DNA chose to have chemical relationship (reactions) with the carcinogenic subctancesm naturally, which results in the DNA damage that drive us to cancer. Do you realize that we (again) are born with a thing called deoxyribonucleic acids (DNA) that can react with exogenous (nonself) subcstances, and hence transformation of proto-oncogenes into oncogenes, and the damage of tumor suppression genes as well. We are born with something tht can ineveitably react with carcinogens, and then kill us.
Untill here, you might feel depressed knowing how vulnerable yourselves to death, but maybe you still see not everything that we are born with drive us to death. Immune system, you point out the defense system of our body – the good guys who protect us.
But, I say, com’on! You really believe that immune system is going to defense us? You got it all wrong. It’s just how your white blood cells react chemically to foreign hamful antigens that give us the picture that “our white blood cells are fighting against the bad guys – germs.” But, in fact, they are all just chemical reactions, that run like a signaling pathway, and “command” our white blood cells to react and eliminate the antigens. Most of the time, people are killed by infection, not because of the causative agent itself, but because of our stupid immune system reacts exaggeratly to the relatively not-so-harmful antigents. A very pure picture here is anaphylatic reaction, where our idiot immune system react to antigen that cause totally no harm to our body. Put it in another way, we are born with a troup of army (immune system) that we have been counting on them to protect us against enemy (antigens)… but the army that harbour inside us have every capability to kill us without mercy, whether it’s unintentional (e.g. septic shock), or intentional (autoimmune – e.g. my facourite lupus). Once again, while you are reading this, every vessels running in your body (including those supplying your eyes and brain for to enable you to read these words) is harbouring booms (WBCs) that going to esplode anytime. What they just need is a reason to start a war – doesn’t matter the enemy is harmful (microorganisms) or not (allergen); and they’ll do whatever it takes to explode, including killing the host – us.
Right now, it’s very clear that we are born to death. Every day we are living, we are getting closer and closer to death… the only question is when – the question that we are not being able to answer, even doctors.
Death is certain. If doctors cannot fight death away, they can’t be said that they are saving lives. Saving lives is an absolution that can never be achieved, while death is certainty.
So, as a doctors, we only treating illness – which, according to WHO, any deviation of health. But, is health really health? No. We’ll never know every single possibility of killing us beneath health. The genetics lesions, cancer cells, immune systems – they all exist even when we are in apparent health. So, it’s wrong to say that we are always being healthy.
So, you may ask what does docs do if there is really no health to be achived?
Doctors are just manipulating the chemical reactions in our body to maintain a balance with death. Death can be delayed (never prevented) with the knowledge that docs have. Through evolution, humans are using developing intelligence to try to keep death away, in medical field, specifically.
Too confusing?
Allow me to quote that there are forces in this universe.
The cartainty of death is a force that pull a life to the end of it (which basically mean death).
While doctors are another side of force that pull life away from its end. They use every knowledge hey have to pull, but they’ll never succeess. However, the safisfaction is gained in the process of pulling, not the result, because the result of this tug-of-war is always death wins.
But, how they gain safisfaction from the pull?
Back to the very beginning of this blog: the greatest certainty of life is we are going to die; the greatest uncertainty is when.
Death wins totally in the first one: the greatest certainty of life is we are going to die. But, death will never win in when. Why? Because, as doctors, we have a belief: no matter when this patient is going to die, he or she is not going to die now – not today, not this moment. Death fail to change the second uncertainty into certainty (which means now) because there are doctors there that make sure the balance of forces that death cannot always win in this game.
Sometimes, doctors loss; but sometimes, doctors win – in the particular moment when a near-death patient is arriving. Doctors can’t save lives, because lives are never meant to be saved as death is certain. But, even doctors can’t win in the end, but they can win in the moment. That’s more than enough reason to be a doctor – and that’s the reason why I’m determined to be an ER doctor – play tug-of-war with death, face-to-face, like a man!
Saturday, July 26, 2008
最近
煮了杯Kenya 生产的Arabica咖啡，
点了支Dunhill fine cut的香烟，
我开始写下我的心情…
我不懂怎么为我的心情取名，
因为有点复杂，又有点单调中的特别。
所以，这篇部落格就叫《最近》吧！
最近的我笑容少了；
尽管朋友们都说我该多笑点，
但我就是笑不出来。
除了礼貌的微笑，我只想用没有表情的表情去代表我的无情。
我真的无情吗？
有时想起对关心我的人所做的事情，我真的以为我是无情的。
对爱的人所说的那些无情的话、
对家人作出的伤害、
对朋友用计谋…
我的光明渐渐被黑暗取代。
我只想自己变强点。
为了坚强，我不想让感情左右我的作风。
与其是我坚强地面对感情，不如说是我选择逃避感情。
没有任何人的牵挂，我可以把自己推向极限的边缘。
不用去管理感情的时间，我可以用时间让自己变得更强。
当我的忧郁加倍，我的就会更奋斗，让自己更麻木地忘记伤痛。
每当想起旁人无疑提起更厉害的人，
我那虚假的笑容下心想着：我一定要比那个人更厉害。
我什么时候变成这样了？
从小开始，妈就用严厉的管教告诉我不可输给堂哥的孩子。
尽管小学六年级的我已经远远超越他们了，
我的心已经不能习惯那种落在人后的感觉。
到了中学，我那流氓的外表和成绩成了强烈的对比，
人家都说：看不出你是日新的优秀生耶；
我只能无奈的笑着，口头说“没有啊”，心里却说“因为我不想输”。
又到了matriculation时代 -- 那一次，我重重的摔了一跤。
我第一次发现自己的死穴就是感情。
也许是那一年离开了熟悉的家，还有朋友；
在寂寞的诱惑下，我爱上了让自己更寂寞的她。
当寂寞变得完整时，我在爱里也沦陷得越深；
突然，寂寞分成两半时，我用了整一年的时间从爱的沦陷里慢慢爬出来。
在我颓废的大学第一学年，我大多数的时间都在自怜自艾。
每一次晚上对自己说要坚强，却在第二天在医学院的转弯处碰见她，
也让我的坚强在那一瞬间碰得碎了一地。
开始抽烟，看着燃烧的香烟袅袅升起的白烟，
觉得自己身在地狱。
逃避人群，将自己关在一个人的地狱，
我错失了很多东西…
当我发现自己错失的时候，
我已经离开了那地狱。
却已经太晚了--我的第一学年的成绩简直就是耻辱。
第二年了，我对自己发誓我一定要把失去的十倍拿回来！
所以，有了最近的我…
最近的我笑容少了。
和过去一年的我相比，我对自己的要求更严厉了。
和未爱过人的我相比，我找回不想输得感觉，而且更强烈了。
因为这样，我的笑容少了。
妈常说我是那种极端的人。
爱一个人，我总是爱到很深；
恨一个人也一样，我永远不会原谅恨的人。
我在医学院里也一样，要读，我就要读到最厉害的那个。
我不知道离“最厉害的那个”还有多远，我只是不想让人看不起。
抱着“不想让人看不起”的想法，我相信有一天我会做到！
别人怎么看我都无所谓，我只是不能让人看不起。
我的爸爸就连被他的儿子都看不起，我不想成为我爸那样。
不想像父亲一样的儿子，我知道这样有点复杂。
所以，没人了解我。
我并不怨没人了解我。
因为我的心，我不想再让任何人进来。
我的心，只有名利。
但，我答应自己不会被名利遮蒙了眼睛。
我的名利，我要以最傲人的姿势夺到手。
因此，我觉得这条医生的路，我走到很辛苦。
走得越辛苦，我流的汗越痛快。
一直到我走到我要的名利面前，
我要成为那个笑着的人，
我把我的笑容留到那时候，
所以，最近的我笑容少了。
2008年7月26日
11：47
点了支Dunhill fine cut的香烟，
我开始写下我的心情…
我不懂怎么为我的心情取名，
因为有点复杂，又有点单调中的特别。
所以，这篇部落格就叫《最近》吧！
最近的我笑容少了；
尽管朋友们都说我该多笑点，
但我就是笑不出来。
除了礼貌的微笑，我只想用没有表情的表情去代表我的无情。
我真的无情吗？
有时想起对关心我的人所做的事情，我真的以为我是无情的。
对爱的人所说的那些无情的话、
对家人作出的伤害、
对朋友用计谋…
我的光明渐渐被黑暗取代。
我只想自己变强点。
为了坚强，我不想让感情左右我的作风。
与其是我坚强地面对感情，不如说是我选择逃避感情。
没有任何人的牵挂，我可以把自己推向极限的边缘。
不用去管理感情的时间，我可以用时间让自己变得更强。
当我的忧郁加倍，我的就会更奋斗，让自己更麻木地忘记伤痛。
每当想起旁人无疑提起更厉害的人，
我那虚假的笑容下心想着：我一定要比那个人更厉害。
我什么时候变成这样了？
从小开始，妈就用严厉的管教告诉我不可输给堂哥的孩子。
尽管小学六年级的我已经远远超越他们了，
我的心已经不能习惯那种落在人后的感觉。
到了中学，我那流氓的外表和成绩成了强烈的对比，
人家都说：看不出你是日新的优秀生耶；
我只能无奈的笑着，口头说“没有啊”，心里却说“因为我不想输”。
又到了matriculation时代 -- 那一次，我重重的摔了一跤。
我第一次发现自己的死穴就是感情。
也许是那一年离开了熟悉的家，还有朋友；
在寂寞的诱惑下，我爱上了让自己更寂寞的她。
当寂寞变得完整时，我在爱里也沦陷得越深；
突然，寂寞分成两半时，我用了整一年的时间从爱的沦陷里慢慢爬出来。
在我颓废的大学第一学年，我大多数的时间都在自怜自艾。
每一次晚上对自己说要坚强，却在第二天在医学院的转弯处碰见她，
也让我的坚强在那一瞬间碰得碎了一地。
开始抽烟，看着燃烧的香烟袅袅升起的白烟，
觉得自己身在地狱。
逃避人群，将自己关在一个人的地狱，
我错失了很多东西…
当我发现自己错失的时候，
我已经离开了那地狱。
却已经太晚了--我的第一学年的成绩简直就是耻辱。
第二年了，我对自己发誓我一定要把失去的十倍拿回来！
所以，有了最近的我…
最近的我笑容少了。
和过去一年的我相比，我对自己的要求更严厉了。
和未爱过人的我相比，我找回不想输得感觉，而且更强烈了。
因为这样，我的笑容少了。
妈常说我是那种极端的人。
爱一个人，我总是爱到很深；
恨一个人也一样，我永远不会原谅恨的人。
我在医学院里也一样，要读，我就要读到最厉害的那个。
我不知道离“最厉害的那个”还有多远，我只是不想让人看不起。
抱着“不想让人看不起”的想法，我相信有一天我会做到！
别人怎么看我都无所谓，我只是不能让人看不起。
我的爸爸就连被他的儿子都看不起，我不想成为我爸那样。
不想像父亲一样的儿子，我知道这样有点复杂。
所以，没人了解我。
我并不怨没人了解我。
因为我的心，我不想再让任何人进来。
我的心，只有名利。
但，我答应自己不会被名利遮蒙了眼睛。
我的名利，我要以最傲人的姿势夺到手。
因此，我觉得这条医生的路，我走到很辛苦。
走得越辛苦，我流的汗越痛快。
一直到我走到我要的名利面前，
我要成为那个笑着的人，
我把我的笑容留到那时候，
所以，最近的我笑容少了。
2008年7月26日
11：47
Sunday, July 20, 2008
触不到的爱情
《触不到的恋人》。
故事很简单，两个相恋的人，虽在同一个空间，但却在相隔了两年的时间。
正因为这样，很多的情节都很浪漫；
男主角在1998年在一家酒家存了一瓶酒，而女主角却在2000年的同一天收到了他的心意。
又有一幕：两人相约在一个下午散步，虽在不同的时间，但两人的甜蜜笑容仿佛爱着的那个人就在身边。
又或者，男主角到1998年的车站为了遇见1998年的她，但看到她身边的另一个人—我在想：活在一个她不爱他的时间，而爱他的她却在未来，男主角的心情是怎样的呢？
两个相爱的人面对面，却因为时间的玩弄，无法互诉爱意。
《触》这部韩国电影推出若干年后，好莱坞拍了美国版的
演员是Keanu Reeves 和Sandra Bullock。
故事变动不多，保留了大多相同的情节；结局也当然一样。
只是故事从韩国的汉城换到了美国的Chicago；时间是2004年和2006年。
其实知道这两部电影的存在已经很久了。
中学时代迷上韩剧的时候就知道“野蛮女友”在几年前曾演过这么一部电影--《触不到的恋人》。没多久，好莱坞版的就上映了。
只是这几年都没机会一看。
直到最近，感谢网络的下载，我才有幸一睹时间差距的浪漫。
这算是非一般爱情片；没有任何主角换上绝症。
结局也让人不禁流下幸福的眼泪。
时间在这个爱情故事的意义在于“等待”。
男主角等了两年，才遇上相恋的那个她。
相恋的两人差的是时间，所以它们差的也是“等待”。
也许是我自己不愿等待，所以等待开花结果的故事特别让我有感触。
不管是约会的等待，或是等着回心转意的等待，我都不愿付出。
虽然比都懂得幸福的代价是等待，我还是不想等。
单身快一年了，我还在找着我会愿意等待的人。
朋友都劝我不要找，等待她的出现。
我想，看完这个爱情故事后，我应该停止寻觅，开始等待了吧？
In the memory of Dr. Mark Greene M.D.
Mark Greene, Dr. Greene, he is more than a doctor to anyone of us; he is more than a man to this world. Although he had been overworked and underpaid in County General ER for 10 years, he was never tired saving lives. Thousands of lives he saved throughout his brief doctor career. I guess it’s the reason of why death was so angry with him and decided to take his life away this time.
Even in the last moment of his life, he was fantasizing of intubating a passerby with sudden obstructive respiratory problem, by using bamboo. This is the Dr. Greene we know – always being creative and critical in helping people. In the trauma room, he was the one that calmest and cool no matter who was pushed in the ER on a gurney. Quick differential diagnosis and making best decision in split of moment, that’s the level of skill I’ve been chasing. It’s never exaggerated to say that, he was the general in the trauma room that lead every one of us to fight against death and his horde.
To me personally, he is a mentor, a teacher, a father. Too many things I learned from him, and I’m going to continue to learn with every memory I had with him. Part of me really wants to be like him, and part of me realizes that it’s never been easy to be like him. He was the one that make me realize what medicine is about, and what being a doctor is about. Being an ER doctor – he showed me the answer.
To the world, his death is a lost, but what he left in medicine is a tremendous mark in the world that people wouldn’t forget about him. He is the doctor.
We’ll always remember him. Even though Dr. Greene is no longer be around any corner in the ER, but we’ll practice what he taught us, and we’ll miss him for sure. These are how we are going to keep him alive in ER.
Thank you, Dr. Greene. And, rest in peace.
This is a blog dedicated to our beloved Dr. Mark Greene who died of brain tumor, in season 8 of ER. He went peacefully in Hawaii. Even he's gone, but he'll always be my inspiration to be a doctor.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
The Dark Knight
There are movies which you would call them good movies. After watching, you feel happy, but watching again? No-no, you are not going to waste your time and money.
Above good movies, you call them unforgettable movies. You’ll always remember the scenes, music, and storyline of the movie; but, there are people who may disagree with you as they think it’s just an ordinary-and-not-too-bad movie.
Well, above unforgettable movies, I give you classic movies. There are just too few classical movies since my generation was born, e.g. Titanic, Lord of the Ring (trilogy) etc. Now, recently, 3 days ago, we have a new movie on the list – I proudly present to you, The Dark Knight.
Even though I just have the chance to watch Batman Begins on DVD, after watching it, there are few philosophical points left to be pondered about. Notable quotes would include “to overcome your fear, you have to become the fear yourself” – it explained why Bruce chose the bat as his symbol of fighting against crime. Another one, of course – “It’s not about who I’m, and it’s what I do that defines me.”
Years passed by, until last year when the trailer of TDK was released. Before that, in the teaser, we heard the Joker saying “People start to die…from tonight! Haha~”. It’s the first time we listened Heath Ledger speaking as the Joker – it sounds creepy and maniac. Then, in the official trailer… we are being told of many other quotes, one of them is which I can’t stop myself from thinking of it – “Why so serious?!”
At last, on the 17th of July…Batman stomps into cinema in his Batpod!
In this very classical sequel, The Dark Knight, we can see how the dimensions of Batman are being further expanded, with the adding of philosophy, mostly about justice and crime. It’s too good in every aspect – all reviews give the movie a nearly full star rating… It’s historical achievement for any DC or Marvel comic movies can make. Evolving from how Batman Begins was a non-ordinary superhero movie, TDK successfully make it as a superhero-cum-philosophy-plus-psychological thriller movie! Never in my life time I watched a movie with so many elements in it, and yet not too burden for viewer to digest… No surprise if Hedge Ledger is nominated as the best supporting actor (posthumously), or TDK being shortlisted in Oscar best movie nomination. Being the first comic movie in such nomination…I’m wordless but only can clap my hands as audiences in the cinema hall I watched did!
Okay, even though I said the movie is not hard to digest, but it still takes me one day to really understand the ending of story. Basically, as TDK promotion showed, it’s a story on its own surrounding 3 characters: Harvey Dent (a.k.a. Two-Face), the Joker, and Bruce Wayne/Batman.
Let us start with Harvey Dent. In the beginning of the story, he was the rising star of Gotham, the District Attorney who represents the new hope for justice. Unlike Batman, he’s a hero with unmasked, and he put criminal in jails by book. As the vigilant actions of Batman has caused direct crash between violence, people of Gotham start to prefer Harvey more. Nevertheless, he has predicted his own destiny at the beginning of the story – “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become a villain.” At the end, he was turned psycho by the Joker and become the notorious Two-face in Batman story. This signifies that the fall of Gotham City’s new hope. In order to protect the city and the name of a battle-mate, Batman made the sacrifice himself. Harvey Dent didn’t have to die a villain, he, instead, died a hero. While at the same time, Batman live long enough to become a villain. People in Gotham will still believe that Harvey died as the DA who once fought against crime. It’s the belief that Batman hope it instilled among people to keep holding on justice, and not fall to the devil side. Well, I really astonished by how the story line turn about this Two-face. Christopher Nolan made a brave move to cancel out some parts in the original comic, and put the Harvey Dent/Two-face in between the war of Batman vs. Joker, just to make the movie even tensing. Parts that left out in the comic, is like the duality of Two-face (he always refer himself as “we”), his obsession of number “two”, how Two-face become a mob boss etc. But, the essential of Two-face remains: he was once Batman’s friend, and he flips coin to determine whether to kill or not. Even though viewers know he turned into Two-face, but to me, he died a hero.
Okay, now what? The Joker! What I can say about him…beyond description, I say. “This city deserves a better class of criminal, and I’m going to give them one.” The better class of criminal, referring to a criminal that commits crime just for crime, nothing more. As inspiration from the comic Batman: the killing joke, Nolan worked together with Ledger to create the new Joker, which is the best Joker forever as Ledger is not going to reprise this role forever. In TDK, the Joker is a complete contrast to Batman – he preaches chaos and anarchy. The Joker did that simply because he wants to do that. He has no motive… just like he has no identity. What he wants to achieve is merely creating a world with no rules, for sake of crime, not himself. We think of Batman fighting against crime, the only crime he can’t fight is the Joker as the Joker simply turning everything everyone around him into crime! As the Joker said to Batman (while hanging up-side-down), “unstoppable force encounter with unmovable object.” I never felt how Joker can be the arch nemesis of Batman, comparing to other villains like Penguin, Catwoman, Riddle, and Mr. Freeze etc, not until I watch TDK. The Joker only did two things to be eligible as the arch nemesis – kill Rachel (Bruce’s love) and Harvey (technically to give rise to Two-face). The fate of the Joker was unknown at the end of story, most probably being kept in Arkham Asylum. He obviously won the war by destroying Gotham’s hope – Harvey Dent. But he won for nothing, because of Batman’s sacrifice to make Harvey die a hero. But, he isn’t loose either! Remember? He commits crime for crime; he has nothing to lose!
At last, here we come the man who said “I know what I have to become to take down a man like him.” – The Batman / Bruce Wayne. At the end, he became on the wanted list of Gotham PD. He makes himself live as a villain, so the new hope of Gotham (Harvey) will forever in people heart as the hero. If it’s not of what Batman did, Harvey’s fall would probably become Joker’s victory in the psychological war as people may believe that the evil has won over the good. The Gotham people already lost their new hero, they can’t afford to lost hope anymore. “He is the hero this city deserved, but not the one this city needs”, this is how Lt. Gordon explained to his son why he has to hunt this hero down… A true hero, Batman. He fights crime, and he took the blame of crime he didn’t commit – for sake of people he has been protecting. I could feel the warmth in my eyes as Lt Gordon broke the Bat-Signal… He lost his love and friend in the battle, and the last thing he lost – the honor being a hero. He’s not a hero at the end… he turned into the protector of city at night – the Dark Knight.
In the end, here’s my deepest salute to the every cast and producers of The Dark Knight. Live long Hedge Ledger, live long Batman! The classic, that only beatable by its successor.
Above good movies, you call them unforgettable movies. You’ll always remember the scenes, music, and storyline of the movie; but, there are people who may disagree with you as they think it’s just an ordinary-and-not-too-bad movie.
Well, above unforgettable movies, I give you classic movies. There are just too few classical movies since my generation was born, e.g. Titanic, Lord of the Ring (trilogy) etc. Now, recently, 3 days ago, we have a new movie on the list – I proudly present to you, The Dark Knight.
Even though I just have the chance to watch Batman Begins on DVD, after watching it, there are few philosophical points left to be pondered about. Notable quotes would include “to overcome your fear, you have to become the fear yourself” – it explained why Bruce chose the bat as his symbol of fighting against crime. Another one, of course – “It’s not about who I’m, and it’s what I do that defines me.”
Years passed by, until last year when the trailer of TDK was released. Before that, in the teaser, we heard the Joker saying “People start to die…from tonight! Haha~”. It’s the first time we listened Heath Ledger speaking as the Joker – it sounds creepy and maniac. Then, in the official trailer… we are being told of many other quotes, one of them is which I can’t stop myself from thinking of it – “Why so serious?!”
At last, on the 17th of July…Batman stomps into cinema in his Batpod!
In this very classical sequel, The Dark Knight, we can see how the dimensions of Batman are being further expanded, with the adding of philosophy, mostly about justice and crime. It’s too good in every aspect – all reviews give the movie a nearly full star rating… It’s historical achievement for any DC or Marvel comic movies can make. Evolving from how Batman Begins was a non-ordinary superhero movie, TDK successfully make it as a superhero-cum-philosophy-plus-psychological thriller movie! Never in my life time I watched a movie with so many elements in it, and yet not too burden for viewer to digest… No surprise if Hedge Ledger is nominated as the best supporting actor (posthumously), or TDK being shortlisted in Oscar best movie nomination. Being the first comic movie in such nomination…I’m wordless but only can clap my hands as audiences in the cinema hall I watched did!
Okay, even though I said the movie is not hard to digest, but it still takes me one day to really understand the ending of story. Basically, as TDK promotion showed, it’s a story on its own surrounding 3 characters: Harvey Dent (a.k.a. Two-Face), the Joker, and Bruce Wayne/Batman.
Let us start with Harvey Dent. In the beginning of the story, he was the rising star of Gotham, the District Attorney who represents the new hope for justice. Unlike Batman, he’s a hero with unmasked, and he put criminal in jails by book. As the vigilant actions of Batman has caused direct crash between violence, people of Gotham start to prefer Harvey more. Nevertheless, he has predicted his own destiny at the beginning of the story – “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become a villain.” At the end, he was turned psycho by the Joker and become the notorious Two-face in Batman story. This signifies that the fall of Gotham City’s new hope. In order to protect the city and the name of a battle-mate, Batman made the sacrifice himself. Harvey Dent didn’t have to die a villain, he, instead, died a hero. While at the same time, Batman live long enough to become a villain. People in Gotham will still believe that Harvey died as the DA who once fought against crime. It’s the belief that Batman hope it instilled among people to keep holding on justice, and not fall to the devil side. Well, I really astonished by how the story line turn about this Two-face. Christopher Nolan made a brave move to cancel out some parts in the original comic, and put the Harvey Dent/Two-face in between the war of Batman vs. Joker, just to make the movie even tensing. Parts that left out in the comic, is like the duality of Two-face (he always refer himself as “we”), his obsession of number “two”, how Two-face become a mob boss etc. But, the essential of Two-face remains: he was once Batman’s friend, and he flips coin to determine whether to kill or not. Even though viewers know he turned into Two-face, but to me, he died a hero.
Okay, now what? The Joker! What I can say about him…beyond description, I say. “This city deserves a better class of criminal, and I’m going to give them one.” The better class of criminal, referring to a criminal that commits crime just for crime, nothing more. As inspiration from the comic Batman: the killing joke, Nolan worked together with Ledger to create the new Joker, which is the best Joker forever as Ledger is not going to reprise this role forever. In TDK, the Joker is a complete contrast to Batman – he preaches chaos and anarchy. The Joker did that simply because he wants to do that. He has no motive… just like he has no identity. What he wants to achieve is merely creating a world with no rules, for sake of crime, not himself. We think of Batman fighting against crime, the only crime he can’t fight is the Joker as the Joker simply turning everything everyone around him into crime! As the Joker said to Batman (while hanging up-side-down), “unstoppable force encounter with unmovable object.” I never felt how Joker can be the arch nemesis of Batman, comparing to other villains like Penguin, Catwoman, Riddle, and Mr. Freeze etc, not until I watch TDK. The Joker only did two things to be eligible as the arch nemesis – kill Rachel (Bruce’s love) and Harvey (technically to give rise to Two-face). The fate of the Joker was unknown at the end of story, most probably being kept in Arkham Asylum. He obviously won the war by destroying Gotham’s hope – Harvey Dent. But he won for nothing, because of Batman’s sacrifice to make Harvey die a hero. But, he isn’t loose either! Remember? He commits crime for crime; he has nothing to lose!
At last, here we come the man who said “I know what I have to become to take down a man like him.” – The Batman / Bruce Wayne. At the end, he became on the wanted list of Gotham PD. He makes himself live as a villain, so the new hope of Gotham (Harvey) will forever in people heart as the hero. If it’s not of what Batman did, Harvey’s fall would probably become Joker’s victory in the psychological war as people may believe that the evil has won over the good. The Gotham people already lost their new hero, they can’t afford to lost hope anymore. “He is the hero this city deserved, but not the one this city needs”, this is how Lt. Gordon explained to his son why he has to hunt this hero down… A true hero, Batman. He fights crime, and he took the blame of crime he didn’t commit – for sake of people he has been protecting. I could feel the warmth in my eyes as Lt Gordon broke the Bat-Signal… He lost his love and friend in the battle, and the last thing he lost – the honor being a hero. He’s not a hero at the end… he turned into the protector of city at night – the Dark Knight.In the end, here’s my deepest salute to the every cast and producers of The Dark Knight. Live long Hedge Ledger, live long Batman! The classic, that only beatable by its successor.
心情的缺口 -- 我的部落格
为什么会开个新的部落格呢？
因为旧的有点旧，每一次打开来看，都觉得有些文字很幼稚。
想开个新的，真正当个网络写手。
其实这个部落格登记有一段时间了，就只是很忙；
很多东西写了几面，模模糊糊的…睁开眼睛看回刚写的东西…
这是什么啊？真的是我写的吗？
于是常常没存入就把Words关了。
但是今天有点特别…所以，就今天吧！我告诉自己说。
今天到底有什么特别呢？
该说是情绪低落进入72小时吧…
还在努力把蓝色的忧郁挥去，写完这篇，情绪会比较好吧？
情绪低落的原因？
大概都是脑里的精神线走了短路，做了自己觉得愚蠢的事情。
为什么精神线走短路了？因为自以为是的想训练新一代的英文辩论手，结果搞得自己不够睡。
当睡眠不足时就会发生这样的事情，比如：追求一个很像林依晨的学妹，（还是认识不到半天那种…）结果人家已名花有主。（正常情况下，我是不会没有摸清底细就下手的。）
又比如：花了12块到Pavilion GSC的戏院，不是看戏，而是睡觉。（醒来时只有清洁工人和我还待在散场的戏院…）
又比如：花了18块到理发店，剪了一头不是很满意的头发…金发黑发参乱的…
又比如：郁郁的情绪驱使下，我又到7-11买了整一个月没抽的烟。
又比如：因为心情不好，乱了阅读进度的计划。（还答应自己要好好控制自己情绪）
又比如…
感觉上，自己的灵魂和肉体都在慢慢的腐烂着。
总之，就是心情超差，运气超背的一天。
择日不如撞日，就选个坏日子开始我的第一篇新的部落各。
就好像我进入医学院的那一天，和我前女友分手那样…
一切的开始都是坏的开始。
但是，重要的不是开始或结束，而是过程，不是吗？我告诉自己。
我的前女友曾经问过我，为什么会写部落格？
我想了很久，然后回答：就只想为心情找个缺口。
当我把心情化作文字，写完后的心情就好像缺了一大块，舒服很多。
到分手后，堆积的悲伤就这样一天一天的化作文字，慢慢走出黑色的日子。
到后来，每当莫名的忧郁压得我喘不过气时，就会在电脑前坐上几个小时写字。
当我把那些文字post上时，就像把忧郁的情绪post给了回忆。
有时，回忆又回把那些情绪寄回来…
那时候，我呆呆看着案上的小刀，和架上的acetaminophen。（又名paracetamol，俗名panadol，就是所谓的安眠药）
趁我的手没触及任何一者前，就在电脑键盘上飞舞着，眼睛转到一个个文字出现的荧幕上，慢慢的…一切又好多了。
所以，这里的每个文字都是一种情绪，一种感觉。
文字越多，心情的缺口越大，从心中奔驰而出的心情就越畅快。
到最近的结个月前，开始迷上Criminal Mind。
无师自通的criminology觉悟，也渐渐想写出来。
一来想试看自己究竟懂些多少；
一部分嘛…不过是想炫耀咯！
之前写的criminology文章迟些会搬到这里来。
暂时应该不会再写此类的文章吧…至少第三季推出前不会写。（大概九月吧！）
这个新的部落格和旧的部落格的成立有些差别：
1． 这里会多写些医学院里的生活 – 希望自己一直到成为医生后，还会一直在写吧！
2． 新的部落格，因为有了分类的功用，所以每次精彩的电影，我都会把它们写下。
3． 会多用些英文来写；因为criminology，medicine，和movie review用中文来写会有点困难（我的中文写formal的东西有点不伦不类），但心情、创作还是会用回中文。
4． 会至少每星期写一次；应该办得到吧！（至少我每星期到会到戏院报到至少一次。）
5． … … 没有了吧？日后可能会加些东西。
结束这第一篇新的部落格，我最后有些感慨的文字要写。
这个世界有这么多的人写blog，但blogging的年代会到什么时候呢？
我们这个年代写的东西，在网络上，不知道是真实还是虚幻…
到我们都毕业、打拼事业、成立家庭时，我们还会在写吗？
Blogging可以几年，我不知道。
但，我 知道这是一种岁月的痕迹。
我答应自己，真实的我不管走到哪里，在这个虚幻的网络我就写到哪里。
2008年7月18日 夜
因为旧的有点旧，每一次打开来看，都觉得有些文字很幼稚。
想开个新的，真正当个网络写手。
其实这个部落格登记有一段时间了，就只是很忙；
很多东西写了几面，模模糊糊的…睁开眼睛看回刚写的东西…
这是什么啊？真的是我写的吗？
于是常常没存入就把Words关了。
但是今天有点特别…所以，就今天吧！我告诉自己说。
今天到底有什么特别呢？
该说是情绪低落进入72小时吧…
还在努力把蓝色的忧郁挥去，写完这篇，情绪会比较好吧？
情绪低落的原因？
大概都是脑里的精神线走了短路，做了自己觉得愚蠢的事情。
为什么精神线走短路了？因为自以为是的想训练新一代的英文辩论手，结果搞得自己不够睡。
当睡眠不足时就会发生这样的事情，比如：追求一个很像林依晨的学妹，（还是认识不到半天那种…）结果人家已名花有主。（正常情况下，我是不会没有摸清底细就下手的。）
又比如：花了12块到Pavilion GSC的戏院，不是看戏，而是睡觉。（醒来时只有清洁工人和我还待在散场的戏院…）
又比如：花了18块到理发店，剪了一头不是很满意的头发…金发黑发参乱的…
又比如：郁郁的情绪驱使下，我又到7-11买了整一个月没抽的烟。
又比如：因为心情不好，乱了阅读进度的计划。（还答应自己要好好控制自己情绪）
又比如…
感觉上，自己的灵魂和肉体都在慢慢的腐烂着。
总之，就是心情超差，运气超背的一天。
择日不如撞日，就选个坏日子开始我的第一篇新的部落各。
就好像我进入医学院的那一天，和我前女友分手那样…
一切的开始都是坏的开始。
但是，重要的不是开始或结束，而是过程，不是吗？我告诉自己。
我的前女友曾经问过我，为什么会写部落格？
我想了很久，然后回答：就只想为心情找个缺口。
当我把心情化作文字，写完后的心情就好像缺了一大块，舒服很多。
到分手后，堆积的悲伤就这样一天一天的化作文字，慢慢走出黑色的日子。
到后来，每当莫名的忧郁压得我喘不过气时，就会在电脑前坐上几个小时写字。
当我把那些文字post上时，就像把忧郁的情绪post给了回忆。
有时，回忆又回把那些情绪寄回来…
那时候，我呆呆看着案上的小刀，和架上的acetaminophen。（又名paracetamol，俗名panadol，就是所谓的安眠药）
趁我的手没触及任何一者前，就在电脑键盘上飞舞着，眼睛转到一个个文字出现的荧幕上，慢慢的…一切又好多了。
所以，这里的每个文字都是一种情绪，一种感觉。
文字越多，心情的缺口越大，从心中奔驰而出的心情就越畅快。
到最近的结个月前，开始迷上Criminal Mind。
无师自通的criminology觉悟，也渐渐想写出来。
一来想试看自己究竟懂些多少；
一部分嘛…不过是想炫耀咯！
之前写的criminology文章迟些会搬到这里来。
暂时应该不会再写此类的文章吧…至少第三季推出前不会写。（大概九月吧！）
这个新的部落格和旧的部落格的成立有些差别：
1． 这里会多写些医学院里的生活 – 希望自己一直到成为医生后，还会一直在写吧！
2． 新的部落格，因为有了分类的功用，所以每次精彩的电影，我都会把它们写下。
3． 会多用些英文来写；因为criminology，medicine，和movie review用中文来写会有点困难（我的中文写formal的东西有点不伦不类），但心情、创作还是会用回中文。
4． 会至少每星期写一次；应该办得到吧！（至少我每星期到会到戏院报到至少一次。）
5． … … 没有了吧？日后可能会加些东西。
结束这第一篇新的部落格，我最后有些感慨的文字要写。
这个世界有这么多的人写blog，但blogging的年代会到什么时候呢？
我们这个年代写的东西，在网络上，不知道是真实还是虚幻…
到我们都毕业、打拼事业、成立家庭时，我们还会在写吗？
Blogging可以几年，我不知道。
但，我 知道这是一种岁月的痕迹。
我答应自己，真实的我不管走到哪里，在这个虚幻的网络我就写到哪里。
2008年7月18日 夜
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